Life coaching tips

Just Say Yes

Those who have ever practiced improvisation theatre (improv) would know of the Ten Commandments of Improv Theatre. One of the fundamental rules of improv is "JUST SAY YES". The reason that this rule is so important in improvisation theatre is because if someone takes the story line one way, and you as your character says "no", it shuts down the passage of play straight away. The action goes nowhere, the actors struggle to get the story on track, and the audience loses interest. If you watch "Whose Line Is It Anyway" (a popular improvisation theatre television show, that has both US and UK versions), you will see this rule being practised at all times. Take note next time you catch an episode!

Now, imagine your life is one big improv theatre session. Make one of your Ten Commandments "JUST SAY YES". Obviously you don't want to say yes to anything that puts you or anyone else in danger or in a situation where they feel uncomfortable. But if someone asks you to try something new, go somewhere interesting, try a new food, go on a date, meet new people or learn something - JUST SAY YES.

Ask yourself:

  • What do I have to lose by saying yes?
  • What do I have to gain by saying yes?

The answer to the first question will most likely be time or money (for example, if it costs you $10 to see that new art exhibition!).

The answer to the second question will be much more complex and something that cannot be measured by time or money. You may gain new friendships, new relationships, knowledge, passion for something new... and you also may gain time or money! The world works in mysterious ways. However, if you say no - YOU WILL NEVER FIND OUT what you may gain.

Ask questions

Someone, let's call him John, told me once that his soft-spoken friend, Jack, went to a party where he did not know anyone. Jack sat in the middle of the action, drink in hand, and many people came up to introduce themselves to him. Jack started by asking them questions about themselves, and then let them do all the talking.

Each person then went to the host of the party, which was John, and said something along the lines of "Jack is SUCH a lovely guy! I really enjoyed talking to him!"

Now, what did Jack do to give the impression that he was such a "top bloke" or "great guy"? He LISTENED and asked the questions. Jack knew that if he did all the talking, he would not learn anything new. He knew that by letting the other person do the talking, they would feel like he cared about what they were saying. He didn't actually have to say much for the person to think that he was a great guy.

The key to asking questions like Jack is asking OPEN questions. Do not ask questions that start with "can", "is" or "do you". These questions can only be answered with "yes" or "no" answers. You must ask questions that start with "tell me...", "how", 'what" and "why". These questions get people talking.

What's the benefit again of getting OTHER people to do the talking? You learn something new. You provide a supportive listening ear. And most people LOVE to talk about themselves. By asking questions you will learn more about the other person and how to relate to them. By asking questions, you become a better partner, friend, boss, employee and family member.

Do what you say you will do

The number one rule of customer service is "do what you say you will do". It is about not letting people down and being reliable. This rule can not only apply to customer service, but to all areas of your life. When you promise people that you will do something - whether it be turn up to a party, organise to send a parcel, or return a book that you have borrowed in a timely manner - and then DO IT, people will respect you and value you. If you fail to do what you have promised, people will stop asking you to come to the party, help them with their errand, and stop lending you books!

This rule should not only be applied to the way you interact with others, but for promises that you make to yourself, as well. Admittedly, not as strictly, but it still applies! How many times have you told yourself that you will go for a walk after work, but have got home and just couldn't be bothered? You would feel so much better if you went for a walk. In that case, you made a promise to yourself and broke it. "Do what you say you will do" not just to others, but to yourself.